Bag Balm

Everyone raved about my most recent contraversial, yet poigniantly brilliant, blog. So I decided to not give the people what they want, because satisfaction is just so boring, and to cast your eyes in an incontravertably opposite direction.... to that of everlasting friendships.
In two weeks, nay, just a week, I and two beloved daughters of God will embark on a journey northward to a desolate, barren, cowboy-ridden land of boredom. Some call it Zion, some call it Hell. "Why?" you may ask... you will find the answer in the wind, the wind of everlasting friendships.
Okay, that was getting quite fluffy and realistic, so let us switch gears momentarily, even though you mormon girls eat up nonsense like that (yes, I know about your Twilight obsessions, but that is another blog for another time.)
Nikerbocker, Deb-bot, and Hayley Labrum are going to Driggs, Idaho. Their "vacation" spans the days of July the 25th to July the 28th. Let's just be honest here, shall we ladies? The ONLY reason we are going, well there are two reasons, and they are: cowboys and freshly-squeezed (and by freshly-squeezed I mean from the cow tit [remember when I got in that car accident and you guys gave me that strange ointment, what was it...Bag Balm?]) milky-creamy ice cream. Okay, you got me, that's not entirely true. The real reasons are Melissa and Danielle Juarez. I put Missy first 'cause I like her better and Dani gets a big head about things like that.
Notice how near the words "Bag Balm" and "milky-creamy ice cream" are to each other in that paragraph.
Needless to say, I am incredibly excited and delighted to rekindle the everlasting friendships that Nikki Guymon (or is it Mena), Deborah Sorensen, Mellisa Juarez, Danielle Juarez and I, Hayley Labrum formed over the last academic year. (Deb: pretty soon you and I are gonna to be outnumbered and the Mexican last names will prevail...we must start planning now...)
So get ready DRIGGSY, 'cause here we freakin' COME!